Face Your Pain Head On

After all the intensity of last week, with two explosive blog posts and subsequent fallout (I'm trying to let go of care-taking all those who were unfriended by someone else but it's hard), I have been given an opportunity. Because I put myself out there, my story was heard at the right time by the right person who has given me a chance to preach at a church of Christ. Not as a profession! (One of my besties and her husband have been throwing that idea around, ironically, that I could become a preacher in the church of Christ). No, this is a one-time, awesome opportunity. If nothing else, I am most definitely an opportunist, so you better believe I'm doing it. I try to live my life in a way where I don't turn anything I want down, especially if it's scary. I find deep pleasure and satisfaction in the challenge of doing scary things. And because of that, being honest and vulnerable on a public platform usually gives me a thrill not a quaking horror (last week was a bit of a hiccup in that dynamic, but there's a natural ebb and flow to this). I have to tell you guys, I am so excited about this opportunity!

The sermon series he'll be working through is on reconciliation - with self, God and the world. And we'll talk church trauma, finding your voice, speaking your truth amidst others denial, self-kindness and more. I absolutely cannot wait! Beyond the excitement about the material and the challenge of preaching from Scripture (which has triggered me for years and I'm not done processing), this is a big deal on a scale so much larger than me. For almost 2 centuries now (if my church history class at Pepperdine is being recalled properly), women have not had permission to speak in the churches of Christ. Some churches are evolving out of that dynamic but they are rare and none are experiencing that process easily or without baggage. Repression creates a grave so deep, it's very difficult to get to the bodies underneath. And for most of them, it's too late. Their spirit has been crushed and they've fallen in line or they've left churches of Christ or church altogether. The sheer number of bodies having been buried by this theology, a literal reading of a few Scriptures, is overwhelming for me to ponder right now, even as I've lived it. So much talent, so many stories, so much value - left to suffocate because of gender. Gender roles, gender identity, the literalness that is breasts and a vagina. It's crushing, really. 

The shame of ambition. The questioning of your value. The uncertainty of your motives. The denial of your potential to contribute. The fear of self-adulation, the ultimate sin for a woman.

There. Is. So. Much. Pain. Here.

I feel like I'm standing on sacred, holy ground. And underneath me are the souls of all the oppressed women of the past, the generations of silence. The loss is profound. The loss for the women, but also the loss for the church. When I wrote about white privilege not acknowledging the loss of black voices as a negative, I feel the same way about this. I recognize that racial and gender privilege are different. But in the same way that white culture has functioned without the intrinsic value of black voices, the churches of Christ has MISSED OUT on the female voice in such a way that it is warped. White culture is skewed and the churches of Christ are too. We've been so hell-bent on emulating the early Christian church (somehow we've translated that into 1950, not 33 AD but no one seems to talk about that) that we've lost the full contribution of half of our population. That is tragic. 

I had an opportunity this summer to do something scary. I can't tell you how the fear welled up in me. At the Shaklee convention, we had a speaker come talk to us about breakthroughs. His name was Brian Biro and he was lovely. But the whole time, he was talking about how at the end of his talk, all 4,000 of us were going to "break boards" like we were in martial arts. We were going to get into groups of 10 and the previously trained "board holders" were going to hold our boards while we broke them WITH OUR HANDS. I was terrified. Specifically, I was afraid of the shame that would wash over me when I didn't break it the first time. I was afraid to have to try again, to work at something in public, because I was sure I wouldn't be able to break it the first time. Why would I? I've never done this before and I was afraid. I didn't know if I had the power within me to break the board the first time. 

Before we tried to break our boards, Brian had us write what we needed to break through on the board itself. It took me awhile to ascertain exactly what is what I was afraid of, but my teammate Laney (former therapist!) helped me break it down. I was afraid of my own power.

I WAS AFRAID OF MY OWN POWER.

How many women have felt that way? It's always been there, deep within me. Potential. Success. Power. A big 'ole fucking life. I've always known it and I can't tell you how scared to death I've been of fully stepping into my power. That probably seems funny because many of you seem to see me as already doing that in my writing. And I am. I feel like I'm living the life I want to live and have for a long time, if not always. But there's more here. There's always more in that well. And I keep trying to pace myself, as we've always taught women to do - be small, that's good enough, don't get greedy, let's stop here.

On the back of the board, he had us write what we would have if we broke through whatever the board represented. I wrote: "security, joy, hope, empowerment, leader of my daughters, choices and freedom." And I added my children's and Tim's names and the future grandkids we hope to have some day (because I believe in the generational impact of these kinds of breakthroughs). I want to be a powerful woman and I hope that by being her (myself), I will instill power in my daughters and maybe someday, their daughters. 

The reason I share this story with you, in the midst of my excitement about preaching, is that they go together. This formative thing that happened to me in August (grainy but proud video above) paved the path for this moment. I am an ongoing evolving creature, as we all are. But the more I step into my power by being vulnerable and honest and true, believing in my innate worthiness, affirming my value to contribute, the more opportunity is created for me to inspire others to do the same. And what better thing could I possibly be doing?  

Is there something holding you back from living the life you want to live? Is there more potential within you that you fear tapping into? These questions are worthy of reflection. And whatever you find behind that veil, I pray that you break through it, claim your life and live into your potential. Don't let anyone, even yourself, limit what you can do with your talent, your voice, your ideas, your heart. We've only got one shot at this. Take it.

We're All Growing Up!

Today is Penny's first day of her second year of preschool. She goes to Montessori school, which typically goes three years with the final year counting as kindergarten. But at this point, we're expecting to send her to public school next year since it's free!!!! So, we're right in the middle of her preschool experience. It has been wonderful and an important transition. Penny and I were particularly attached in her early years because we had trauma occur in the family around her birth as well as she had some developmental stuff going on. So it was a really big deal a year ago for her to start school and begin the separation process for both of us. She went two days a week last year and this year, it's every single day! Just the morning, but still. Big deal. What's fun is she's totally ready and I actually feel totally ready as well. I'll miss the kids while they're in school but I've been a working-at-home mom for 9 and a half years.  I've always thought and even stated aloud that once my youngest starts full-time school, it's my time! My time to shine, my time to invest in myself, my time to lean into my career, etc. Even though she's only in part-time school, going every morning is jump-starting this process of independence for both of us. 

It can be difficult to straddle the line of being home and earning an income. There have been phases of family life where I was too overwhelmed to work my business at all (yet I've been paid EVERY MONTH for the 12 years I've had my business!) and phases where I wished my kiddos would give me some space because I genuinely wanted to work in a more focused, efficient way. I was reminded this morning at drop off that I have always been in full control of this process and that is really a privilege. There were lots of parents talking about juggling full-time work with preschool drop offs, classroom expectations, making dinner, extra-curriculars, etc. It was just this beautiful moment of sympathy and gratitude for me. I totally respect the process that working parents go through and recognize the value working parents bring to society. And I respect parents who don't bring in an income as well, focusing full-time on their family. I've always been in the privileged middle position where I can and do work as much or as little as I want, giving us the extra money we need to do things like Montessori school and theater classes and family vacations while still being able to be my kids primary caregiver. I get to work around their activities and provide that stability to the family unit. And my income has grown in a way where I'm a full partner in our finances and planning. This truly isn't a side income even though I'm working side hours. What a huge gift! 

I'm so thrilled for Penny that she's growing in community and independence. It's developmentally appropriate and good for her. And I'm happy for myself to be in the midst of this transition in my parenting and work balance. I could not be more grateful that I've had the choice to pace us in this process as I've seen fit without suffering financially or personally in my professional development. If anyone reading this is looking for the kind of privilege I've been given in my business, part of my job is to share it and train others to do it. I'd love to give you an opportunity to live this kind of freedom and privilege if you determine it's right for you and your family. This could certainly be a lucrative side hustle but it's also a real career opportunity to grow as a person and to grow a residual income source that you own and can pass on to your kids. Give me a shout if you want me to run through it with you! You can contact me in the "work with me" section of my website or if we're Facebook friends, feel free to PM me. 

Parenting Epiphany

I'm having a bit of a Shaklee Mom moment this week. I was able to attend Macy's walking field trip Wednesday where we walked half a mile to a creek and released the salmon her class has been raising since they were fish eggs. While I was there, I noticed that so many of the children had hacking coughs and were sneezing in a persistent way. Now, it is allergy season in the Northwest, so I know many of these children were not sick with a virus, but mainly reacting to our incredibly green, allergen-potent environment. 

The child whose desk faces my child's was coughing a deep, dry cough, the kind of cough that you know must keep him up at night. I joked with him about calling hospice because it was so bad. I feel like even talking about this makes me seem really judgmental as a parent. Like, get it together, or something. That's not what I was feeling. I was feeling grateful. I'm so, so grateful that I literally get paid on the consumption of my family's Shaklee habit, that my business is large enough that our product usage (almost $500/month!) is completely covered by my commission (many other habits we have are covered by Shaklee, including my impending financial dental apocalypse). 

Watching that poor child cough directly into my child's airspace, knowing that my child cannot be trusted in areas of hygiene, I realized MACY HAS NOT MISSED ANY SCHOOL THIS YEAR DUE TO ILLNESS. Not. One. Day. The evidence was right in front of me that her wellness this year has not been due to a lack of exposure. So not only had my business provided me the flexibility to attend this gorgeous, fun field trip, but it allowed my child to enjoy it to her fullest because she's healthy. Holy cow.

At the risk of using my blog that's more often than not about theology and life to promote my personal business, I thought it would be helpful to share what it is that Macy takes every day in case there are parents out there who are finishing this school year realizing that their kid may have missed more school than is ideal. I want kids to be healthy and happy. And I want parents to feel empowered to help their children. I was raised on these products and am raising my kids on these products. I can't begin to explain the monstrous dividends our family has reaped because of generational wellness, 4 generations now, starting with my grandparents on both sides. I want people to have that. Or at least have access to it.

Macy takes:

2 Incredivites - this is her multivitamin. It has an ingredient called lactoferrin in it that has been found to contribute to the immune-boosting capability of human breast milk. So it's very immune-building as well as covering all her minimum requirements for A, B, C, D (extra D), iron, some calcium, etc. It's a critical foundation.

1 Mighty Smart - this is Shaklee's fish oil (DHA) chew. My kids beg for more every day. They are delish. Most kids aren't getting fish oil daily and even if they eat fish often, our fish population is so incredibly contaminated that regular consumption actually puts them at risk for high levels of mercury and lead being present in their blood. DHA helps with brain development. We've seen this product help kids with concentration, attention and hyperactivity issues. I cannot overemphasize how critical it is that kids get fish oil and that it be pure. Shaklee purifies the oil in a patented process so there is literally NO contaminants. You can't even get that in our diets anymore.

1 Optiflora probiotic - this is a little pearl. Our probiotic has a patented triple-layer shell to protect the very fragile live bacteria. Most companies can only guarantee that their bacteria is alive at the time of manufacturing. We actually have the clinical data to prove that our good bacteria makes it all the way to the intestines. If you think that's simple, remember, those fragile bacteria have to pass through the stomach acid first! If you think your yogurt is doing that; it's not. If you or your family eat processed foods at all, probiotics are really important. Most of the ability to have a functional immune system begins in the gut. If your gut is off, you can't absorb all the nutrients in your food and your immunity goes down. All 4 of us take this every day.

1 chewable Cal Mag - kids need extra calcium because they're literally growing their bones! Do you remember ever getting shooting pains in your legs as a kid, sometimes called "growing pains?" That's your body's way of asking for more calcium in an annoyingly painful way. We started this product daily as soon as Macy started getting those (just as I did when I got them as a kid). If her legs hurt, 20 min after chewing this, the cramps are gone. Also, if she ever gets stomach cramps, same thing. I looked at the label of our chewable Pepto Bismol and guess what? It's just synthetic calcium! So I tossed that and keep this on hand.

1-3 chewable C's - both my kids take 1 every day and we increase it if we know they've been exposed to an illness or are actively showing symptoms.

As a side note, Penny started preschool this year. And she was symptomatic at least 10 times during the school year. But, she only missed one day of school. And I kept her home as a precaution (her fever was below the threshold for keeping them home). On top of her regular regimen (same as Macy's without the added calcium), any time she got a fever, runny nose, etc I made her a half serving of Shaklee's Vitalized Immunity. It's like Emergen-C but it's not synthetic. I just thinned it out with extra water, added some ice and Stevia drops and told her it was her special juice. I think out of those 10 incidents, only 1 of those 10 turned into an actual cold. 9 out of 10, 1 or 2 half servings of Vitalized Immunity nipped that virus in the bud. So thankful she got to go to school regularly so she could have the routine that is so critical for her education and her sense of well-being.

Sorry, one more side note. We only use Shaklee cleaners and personal care products in our house. If your kids are struggling with immunity and you're using Clorox and Tide (no offense to the big guys), that is also costing them nutrients and could be making it harder for them to fight stuff off. Start with laundry and dish soap. You are literally putting those chemicals in your mouth and rubbing them on your skin all day. Shaklee has a Get Clean Starter Kit where you can change out all your cleaners for $99. It's the equivalent of $3400 worth of traditional cleaners and it comes with a lifetime Shaklee membership for free. That gives you 15% off your products for life.

This is one of the parenting mountains I plan to die on. Everyone has their things that are non-negotiable. For me, giving my children a foundation of a healthy, strong, active body is one of mine. The #1 killer of kids in this country ages 3-14 is cancer. The influence I can have on the longevity and functionality of my children's bodies is unparalleled from pregnancy to 18 years old. Some peoples mountains are safety, education, sports, faith - to name a few. And most of those are important to us too. But this is a non-negotiable one for me. What's fun about this one is, it takes a bit of investigating in the beginning to find the company you trust to the tedious raw ingredient to final product testing to make sure your products actually work. And you have to incorporate that expenditure into your monthly budget. But once that's done, you just set up your order and make sure your kids take them every day. Done and done! Mountain climbed. 

If you want to see any of these products or have questions about them, contact me through my Shaklee website: www.ownyourlife.myshaklee.com